November 2013 ICLW

November 21, 2013

Hello! And welcome!

I have been absent from ICLW for…hang on, let me search for the last ICLW post…TWO YEARS. My last ICLW post was November 2011 just after my 2nd ectopic. And even that post was after a year long hiatus. It would seem I was pretty good at ICLW in 2010 and not so much after that. Oh well. I try. Sometimes.

Anyhoo, here’s my infertility deets in a nutshell:

Diagnoses: POF-DOR/Endometriosis/Adenomyosis
2010 Ectopic from Hell – the English language does not have enough words to accurately describe it. For serious.
2011 Father dies / Cross country move / Standard tubal ectopic
2012 Regroup and explore options
2013 RE breaks up me with me so I start pursuing surrogacy while planning hysterectomy at the same time

In fact, I just had my hysterectomy this week and am currently recovering on my sofa.

Feel free to poke around – I find the tag cloud to be helpful for that.

November ICLW

November 21, 2011

Hi everyone. I think it’s been over a year since I participated in ICLW. I’ve been… kinda busy. In the last 14 months I’ve had two ectopic pregnancies, cared for my dying father and moved across the country (which also meant quitting my job and trying to find a new one). So… yeah, just a little busy – with pretty much every major life stressor there is (and yet people still ask when we’re getting married – like I have time for that right now). Since it has been so long perhaps I should fill in any newcomers with a summary of my story.

I was originally diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure while I was still on birth control. I was having hot flashes and night sweats. At the ripe old age of 35. When I went off birth control I rarely ovulated on my own. I did the clomid thing. And then moved on to injectibles. Right Guy’s swimmers are AOK so we were just doing timed intercourse. But it seems my ovaries decided to make a come back and I ended up with 6 eggs in play. With the choice of canceling the cycle or converting to IVF, we converted. We weren’t sure I’d ever be able to produce that many eggs again.

The IVF worked. But at 6w6d I went in for an ultrasound and they saw nothing. I was told I probably had a missed miscarriage and would start bleeding soon. They checked my beta for confirmation. A few hours later my RE called and said Go To The ER NOW. My beta was 42000 – right where it was supposed to be. Fast forward through lots of tests, a D&C and a laparoscopy and they determined the pregnancies were in the muscle wall of my uterus. Rather than remove part or all of my uterus I spent 10 days in the hospital (waiting to see if my uterus would rupture) and ultimately received 7 doses of methotrexate over 5-6 months before beta=0. That IVF was August of last year. I was officially UNpregnant in February.

During those months, Pops’ cancer came back. For the third time. It was difficult, if not impossible, for me to care for him while I was going in for beta blood draws 2-3/week. And I ended up having to get methotrexate shots the same days he had chemo. Three months in a row. The chemo kept putting Pops in the hospital so we decided to stop and call in Hospice. During this time I was forbidden from trying to get pregnant while my uterus attempted to heal. Despite the fact that I might have been ovulating. And I was trying to plan my move knowing that I likely couldn’t move myself until Pops passed. We moved for Right Guy’s job so I still had to coordinate everything for him to move on time. Which turned out to basically coincide with Pops’ death (Right Guy was driving across the country during Pops’ funeral).

Fast forward. I managed to get through Pops’ death and funeral, clean out both our houses and ship stuff across the country and drive myself across the country. Somewhere in the middle of all that my RE finally gave me the green light to try again. I scheduled a FET for September before my insurance ran out since it was partially covered. I thought creating life would be the perfect way to honor Pops. I rolled the dice. I made a bet that the universe couldn’t possibly hate me enough to give me another ectopic. I was wrong.

Since I had just moved I had trouble finding a doc to give me an early ultrasound. So my old RE ordered tests from across the country and there was an inevitable delay in getting the results. In any case, this time it was tubal. We tried methotrexate again, but I ended up in surgery and they removed the tube.

That was about a month ago. And here we are. The bills for surgery are just starting to arrive. And I’m waiting to see if I will ovulate on my own or not. The original diagnosis has been called in to question due to conflicting bloodwork. But when your RE uses words like “anomalous” and “wonky” to describe your body… and another RE agrees with the description… all bets are off.

So welcome. Life (and therefore this blog) has been a little tragic of late. But there’s some humor here. Somewhere. If nothing else there is crazy and that’s always good for a laugh. Click on something in the tag cloud on the right and explore.

I’m A Bad ICLWer

August 27, 2010

Once again I have managed to sign up for, but not fully participate in, ICLW. I think I might have to just give up.

Good news: my father will be released from the hospital today or tomorrow.

Bad News: Between Pops in the hospital and my whirlwind last minute IVF I am über behind at work.

I promise that at the very least I will return the comments left here this week. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to catch up on leaving the rest of those comments any time soon.

My sincerest apologies.

August ICLW

August 23, 2010

Hi everyone! I’m a little late with this since I was out of town this past weekend (I think a lot of us were). And I didn’t have a chance to put it up before I left because I had the craziest week EVER. So now I’m playing catch up.

Welcome to my Blog. Here’s the short version of what goes on here:

I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure/Insufficiency last year. This means I’m running out of eggs and headed in to an early menopause. So I’m trying to get pregnant now. Because I don’t have many eggs left I was told that IVF probably wasn’t a viable option for me. But somehow, this month, on my very first injectibles cycle, I responded so well that my Inectibles + Timed Intercourse cycle got converted last minute to IVF. So things have been CRAZY. And this is on the heels of my father’s pneumonia (I take care of him). So basically, this ENTIRE summer has turned me in to a giant ball of stress.

But it’s all down hill from here. I hope. The IVF went spectacularly well. 6 eggs retrieved, 6 eggs fertilized, 6 eggs looking good at Day 3. 2 were transferred and 4 were frozen. So if it doesn’t stick this month I’ve got some spares. Now I just have to get through this nasty 2 week wait. 😉

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UPDATE: Things just got crazier. The last time I participated in ICLW (my first) I ended up in the ER with my father. So I took July off from ICLW. And now it’s August and I’m participating again. And I’m back in the ER with Pops.

End of June ICLW

June 28, 2010

This was my first ICLW. I’ve been a very bad ICLWer. My apologies. I’ve just been overwhelmed with the rest of life this past week. Pops was sick and it took me awhile to get him in to the hospital (the story is long and complicated but let’s just say I’m less than pleased with his doc). He’s there now and they will probably release him to rehab today. There was no stroke. He just seems particularly susceptible to the infection induced delirium. Maybe it’s from all the chemo? Or the radiation? Who knows. But it’s quite an effort to convince health care workers meeting him for the first time that he’s usually quite lucid. Everyone assumes he must have dementia. But he doesn’t. So when he’s in the hospital I do get a bit of a break but I have to be around a lot to answer questions about him since he can’t do it himself. So… in short… I’ve been busy. Sorry. Next time I’ll do better.

June ICLW

June 21, 2010

This is my first ICLW (if you don’t know what IComLeavWe is just click on the red banner on the right). I’m a N00b. Presumably there will be a lot of new traffic this week so I thought I’d write an About Me post to sum up what this blog is about. There are also some informative links at the top (you know, like the one that says ‘About’ 😉 and Infertility Timeline ). I started this blog just a few months ago when I started to feel an overwhelming sense of needing to get everything out. I write it for me but it would be nice if others found it useful or helpful in some way. I’m still keeping it anonymous for now so that I can feel comfortable venting about people I know in real life and to protect my boyfriend’s identity – he’s a private person. On this blog I refer to him as “Right Guy.” In the Twitterverse I’m known as @StolenEggs.

I’m 36, divorced, and I have Premature Ovarian Failure/Insufficiency (POF/POI). I discovered this by experiencing hot flashes and night sweats while on Nuva Ring (I’ve been on BC for years due to endometriosis). For those that don’t know, POF is very similar to menopause – it essentially IS menopause that occurs in women under 40. It means I’m running out of eggs and I don’t ovulate very often. It means I have a pretty slim chance of having my own biological child. It also means I’m at a greater risk for heart disease and osteoperosis. After receiving the official diagnosis Right Guy and I decided to alter our relationship timeline and go ahead and try to get pregnant now. Because it’s now or never. Marriage can happen anytime. The babymaking can’t.

As if that’s not enough to deal with, I also still take care of my father part time (I did it full time for a year and part-time for the past 4-5 years). He’s a two-time lung cancer survivor who has been weakened by chemo in both body and spirit. He currently still lives alone but that situation is always precarious. Last year he stopped eating properly and ended up hospitalized for pneumonia and malnutrition with an altered mental state (due to the infection). Once I finally got him to the hospital I still had to stay with him round the clock for three days straight until his mental state normalized. So every cough or ache or pain he experiences makes me wonder if there’s more chemo or hospitals in the near future. I’m also moving away in a year and I have to figure out what to do for him when I leave.

There have been a few studies that equate the level of stress women (and men) experience while going through infertility with the level of stress for cancer patients and people in war so I’m trying my best to do whatever I can to relax and be healthy. I’ve gotten back in to swimming which I used to do when as a kid and I’ve gotten back in to photography which has been an on and off again hobby since I was in high school. I’m contemplating acupuncture but I think I’ll just go get a massage to start with. At some point, I’d like to incorporate some wine posts in to this blog but I’m drinking a lot less these days for obvious reasons.

There are a lot of pictures on this blog. I decided to start my own series called Sunflower Sunday where I post a flower picture every Sunday. Lately I’ve gotten really into macro flower shots so I’ve got plenty of material. And I also participate in Calliope’s Photo Friday series. You never know what those themes will be!

As for recent happenings I’ve just started a low glycemic diet and am following other advice from my cousin who just started and Age Management Medicine practice. It’s really interesting stuff! I’m not sure I’m really a convert just yet but I’m giving it a whirl. On the fertility treatment front, I’m currently regrouping after a failed Clomid cycle and waiting to start an injectibles cycle next month. I have no idea if the shots will work any better than the Clomid. Essentially ALL fertility treatments work in the same way – by raising your FSH. My FSH is already high. My body is doing that all on its own. Which means I might be completely screwed on this one. I am slowly crawling out of the crater of devastation caused by the diagnosis and that realization.

Feel free to explore the blog. There’s a lot of potentially useful info in it as well as some rants. If you look to the right you’ll find a tag cloud (you may or may not need to scroll depending on your screen/resolution). You can click on any of the tags to see the relevant posts. Or, if you’re feeling lazy here’s a good place to start: Last Week’s Recap. Here’s some info on Premature Ovarian Failure/Insufficiency.