The New Math of Loss

March 30, 2014

You may recall that last Fall submissions were being taken for a book about miscarriage. I mentioned it here. After the movie Return To Zero came out they decided to do a book – an anthology of stories of love and loss to raise awareness.

Well that book, Three Minus One, is now out. My submission was not chosen to be in it. But someone I know on Twitter is in it. Both her Twitter and her blog are private so I won’t link here but I do want to give a big shout out to Lauren! So proud of you! Congrats!

Three Minus One book cover

I had hoped to be a part of this since I still struggle so much with my first pregnancy. But I don’t think the world at large is ready for the darkness that was the Zombabies. Nobody wants to hear about how hard it was to kill your much wanted babies over and over again. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately as we get closer and closer to SurroFET. I worry that these last two embryos, the rejects of the crop, will not take. And then all my babes will be gone. And then I think about the first two. I think about how beautiful the RE said they were. I think about how hard they fought me to stay alive. And I hope their siblings are just as strong… but with a better sense of direction.

[Also, why are embryo GPSs still not a thing?!]

It’s never been Three Minus One for us. It’s been 2 + 6 -2 -1 -1 = 2. Soon we will find out the end of that equation. Will we be three? Or four? Or will the Six Return to Zero leaving us as two?


6 Responses to “The New Math of Loss”

  1. Xoxo sending you so much love! Hooray for Lauren though

  2. slese1014 Says:

    embryo gps….You could make millions!!! I’m very interested in this book and the movie, I jus haven’t been in the right place to sit down and absorb….Thinking of you….

  3. Jenn Says:

    I must be terrible because I didn’t realize you were so far in the surrogacy journey! I love that you drove back with them in a seatbelt. What a great memory to have, and probably something only an IFer understands.

    • Fox Says:

      hahahaha You are cracking me up that
      1. You posted about something almost entirely unrelated to this post and
      2. that you are clearly ignoring me on twitter or you would know that FET IS THIS WEEK 😉

      But I forgive you.

      • Jenn Says:

        Haha I am off in my own little world! I was reading through your entire blog’s latest posts when I left that message 😉

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