Surrogacy Psych Eval

January 10, 2014

I can’t speak to what every evaluation is like for surrogacy but I can tell you what ours was like. It was actually a while ago but I’m just getting around to posting this now. Oops.

I was incredibly nervous about it.  Not because I’m criminally insane or have a torrid past I was worried about hiding.  Just because the approval for us to move ahead with surrogacy rested in the hands of a woman I’d never met.   I’d always had the same fear whenever I thought about how the adoption process would go.  You are at the mercy of strangers in these situations.  It’s scary and humbling.

The loss of control when you suffer from infertility is great enough.  It’s a big enough step to put trust in a doctor and start injecting yourself with hormones.  But to then further lose control and have to rely on others to give you a child or carry your child for you – really any third party involvement (donor egg/sperm) – it’s another step away from control.  It’s frightening.

When I first started looking for someone to do our “psych eval”  I wasn’t even sure of what exactly the clinic would require.  Apparently some people have to take an actual psychological test.  Right Guy and I did not.  B, our gestational carrier, did.  It would seem that we were not required to take the test because this would be our biological child.  If we were using donor egg/sperm then I think we would have had to take the test.  But, from our side of things, we simply need an oven.  Somehow that means that there’s less to wrap our heads around?  Yeah, OK.  Glad I didn’t have to take the test, though, as it’s an added expense.

I really was very nervous for our appointment.  Right Guy, as per usual, didn’t seem to stress about it at all.  Throughout all of this, I just tell him where and when to show up (making sure to schedule around him for the things that truly require his presence) and he does. Sigh.  Life must be so easy in that regard. Or, at least, he makes it seem that way.

We saw a psychologist although we could have seen a social worker.  Different clinics may have different requirements for what type of provider they want you to use.  She was very nice and friendly but basically just went down a checklist of questions.  There was no “Tell me about your mother…” or “What does this ink splotch look like?” or anything like that.  There wasn’t even really much about how I feel emotionally about the need for a surrogate in the first place. Surprisingly, no one asked me if I hated my uterus so much I named her Medusa.

The questions were more about how prepared we were for this whole process. Here are some examples:

  • Have you discussed with the gestational carrier how many cycles/transfers you want to do? YES
  • Have you discussed with the gestational carrier if she’s willing to carry twins? YES
  • Have you decided who will get custody of the child(ren) if you die before birth? YES
  • Have you discussed how to tell your other children about this process? N/A
  • Have you discussed how/whether to tell the child(ren) how they came to be born? Um…No. Thought about it? Yes, a lot. Discussed it? Nope. In case you were wondering, the official recommendation is for full disclosure. Which is pretty much my inclination anyway.
  • Have you discussed with the gestational carrier what kind of relationship you wish to have after the birth? Will she be a special aunt to the child(ren)? NO, we hadn’t discussed that. And we still haven’t. In my life I’ve found that relationships can’t be planned. They have to unfold as organically as possible. I envision our relationship remaining much the same as it is today. But we’ll take things as they come. (Hope that’s not a surprise to B when she reads this.)
  • Have you told your family and are they or do you expect them to be supportive? YES & YES

So…that was pretty much it. As usual a lot of anxiety for nothing. 😛

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One Response to “Surrogacy Psych Eval”

  1. KeAnne Says:

    Our psych eval was rather “much ado about nothing” too. I was really anxious about it and it took all of 10 minutes.


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