2013 Year End Wrap Up

December 31, 2013

I always take stock at the end of the year. Usually my posts involve a lot of Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Ass On your Way Out and varying mantras that boil down to Next Year has Got To Be Better.

In case you’re curious…here’s a stroll down memory lane.

In 2010, the first year of my blog, I was still in the middle of ectopic pregnancy #1 and my father’s cancer had just recurred. And due to the depression I was battling I apparently didn’t even write an end of year post since I knew that the next year was undoubtedly going to be worse. But the last post of 2010 summed it up nicely anyway.

In 2011, I had just recovered from my second ectopic pregnancy and my father had died that summer. So clearly, I had high expectations for 2012 being a better year.

And that’s the kicker. I had expectations. So silly of me. Because here’s what I wrote about 2012.

And now 2013 is coming to an end and I can report that, this year, although it wasn’t MY year, has not been so bad. I somehow was able to (more or less) hold true to my promise to NOT have expectations. We attempted a FET but it didn’t happen. But I knew going in to it that my body might not be able to jump through all the hoops to even attempt the FET – let alone all the hoops necessary for FET to work to bring me a baby.

The plan was to beat my uterus into submission with Lupron. That didn’t work out so well. Even if it had worked, we still would have had to grow the embies in the lab for two days and risk losing one or both before transfer. And we could only transfer one so, if, by some miracle they both survived to day 5 we’d still have one left and I knew my body was too broken to be able to do it again in the future even if it worked this time. I knew this year’s attempt at FET was going to be my last attempt regardless of how it played out. Turns out it didn’t play out at all – it didn’t even happen. It was the FET that wasn’t.

I also had endometriosis excision surgery and a hysterectomy this year.

So HOW am I possibly calling this a good year?

Well… No one died. *knocks on wood*

I’m viewing this year from the perspective of all the bad things that DIDN’T happen as opposed
to the bad things that did happen.

No one died.
I didn’t lose a pregnancy.
I didn’t lose my job.

And so, I’m calling this a good year. Or at least a neutral one.

As for predictions for 2014… Against my better judgment, I may set some expectations for next year. I expect to either have a baby in my house or be well on my way to acquiring one. Either surrogacy will work and we’ll have a baby or it won’t and we’ll be on an adoption wait list. Either way, I will be finally be closer to my goal than I ever have been.

image May the Force be with you in 2014

Now if I can just wrap my head around my next birthday…it’s a big one…


6 Responses to “2013 Year End Wrap Up”

  1. diahannreyes Says:

    You and your blog continue to inspire me. Happy New Year.

  2. Wannabemom Says:

    I hope 2014 is YOUR year.

  3. Lisette Says:

    Incredibly uplifting post despite how much you have been through this year and years passed. Thank you for that. Bring on 2014! xx

  4. Dipitie Says:

    I feel similarly. 2011 really sucked, and 2012 was difficult career wise and financially. 2013 wasn’t that bad. I have hope for 2014 but it’s hope for the things I can control. ❤

  5. Rikki Says:

    Hi! I stumbled upon your blog somehow through twitter. Not sure how but here I am! I’m a former surrogate, I gave birth to twin girls in June of 2012. So your story tugs at my heart a little. I’m praying this IS your year and you get your baby.

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