Chronic Pain and Living Life

October 3, 2013

My guess is that it has not gone unnoticed on Twitter that one day I’m tweeting about pain and silly GYNs who don’t want to give me more pain meds just to make it to surgery and the next I’m tweeting about running a 5k.  It’s confusing.  Even for me.

So… here’s the deal. Most days I am in pain. Most days it is not so bad that I cannot walk/function/go to work. Of course, I do so operating on 800mg of ibuprofen every 4-6 hours (usually closer to 4 than 6). That’s 4 Advils at a time, people. [And, yes, I DO worry about giving myself an ulcer/liver damage, thank you for asking.]

I absolutely despise the pain scale doctors force you to use. The numbers have really ceased to have meaning for me. I have hated this scale ever since I awoke to what I now call an 11 during before (I knew of) my first ectopic. My first thought was that if 10=childbirth there’s no way I can survive it. Only much later did I realize that that pain was likely my uterine wall tearing. Anyway, I also recognize that it’s the only measure we’ve got so I’d better try to use it.

But how can you accurately characterize a constant/chronic pain? Even if it’s only a 3, if you get no relief, the effect is that it starts to feel like a 5 because it won’t go away. I am fortunate that my current pain hasn’t really topped a 7 and usually any level 7 pain is fleeting and doesn’t last long.

But most days I operate at around 2-4 AFTER the giant dose of Advil. But, for some reason I have yet to figure out, it often gets worse with exercise and also as day turns to night.

Evenings seem to be worse, real or imagined. Whether the pain actually gets worse or whether my tolerance just goes down I couldn’t say. But that’s when the narcotics come in to play. If nothing else it gives me a mental holiday from the pain. And that keeps me sane, boys and girls.

Running the 5k was a calculated risk. I had planned to take a prophylactic narcotic for it but I ended up having to drive myself there so that option fell off the table. But I figured hoped I could hang strong for this ONE event.

And I did. Not having properly trained I knew I couldn’t run the whole way. But I finished (and NOT last!). And you know what pain bothered me the most during the race? My sciatica. Which I presume to be entirely unrelated to my endo/adeno pain (although wouldn’t it be nice if surgery fixed that?!).

I paid for it after the race but it was worth it. Also, THIS happened recently.

white water rafting

Also worth it. So I guess the bottom line is that I’m refusing to let my pain dictate EVERYthing I do. Sometimes I say no. But if it seems worth the pain, I just do it anyway.

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3 Responses to “Chronic Pain and Living Life”

  1. slese1014 Says:

    I can’t imagine living with chronic pain. I hope you get some relief soon and good for you for not letting it hold you back!! Congrats on finishing the 5K…

  2. Dipitie Says:

    (((HUGS))) I hate that you are in pain all the time. It’s not fair. But you’re amazing for everything that you do xoxo

  3. nonsequiturchica Says:

    I had a migraine for 6 days two weeks ago and wanted to die. I can’t imagine feeling shitty every day of my life. I’m sorry that you have to go through that, but hopefully surgery will be the cure.

    Congrats on finishing your 5k! How was white water rafting? I have always wanted to do that!


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