On Men & Cats

October 1, 2013

I seem to have angered the Tech Gods. Either that or they really don’t want you to read this post. At this point, I’m not sure I want you to read it either since I’ve had to rewrite it so many times. Each time I think it got worse.

First my phone had a massive stroke attempting to either enter or come out of what I now call Evil Airplane Mode (never using that again). It reset itself to Android Churn Your Own Ice Cream. After two weeks, I am still working on reinstalling apps and such and Android is still telling me there are no new updates when clearly there are – Although it is now at something akin to Android Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean – a distant mutated cousin of Jelly Bean that is sometimes surprisingly good but more often rather disgusting. I was fortunate enough not to have lost all my contacts and numbers – they were backed up online. And I guess photos live on a different part of the phone so I retained those as well (thank you God of Partitioned Hard Drives). But I lost all app data not stored elsewhere: texts, IMs from Kik, and… all local draft blog posts. Never mind that I had hit the save button on what I had written from the phone thereby supposedly uploading it to the server. It didn’t.

So I started over. On a real computer. And then Firefox (bad Fox!) had some sort of brain freeze (perhaps Android uploaded too much homemade ice cream?) and AGAIN even though I pressed save IT DIDN’T.

And then the brain freeze must have infected the entire computer with Ear Wax flavor because it happened AGAIN. I hit save and the screen went BLANK. So I just said, “Fuck it” and restarted and everyone seems to be playing nicely thus far.

So, by all means, read on. If you dare anger the Goddess Autosave. I hear she’s one you don’t want to poke with a stick. She’s pretty hangry and wants to eat all your bytes. And bits.

——— Without further ado… I give you: On Men & Cats. Totally not worth the wait. ———

I recently had a conversation with my therapist about Right Guy using the kittehs to express himself. I viewed it as a positive thing. I mean, he doesn’t talk much so at least he’s expressing himself in some manner. Right?

And then I read someone else’s blog post about refraining from calling each other Mommy & Daddy in front of the furbabies. And about whether to even refer to them as furbabies.

My first thought was, “Whoa. We are SO far gone. We never even made a promise not to do that.”

When I was first told that my AMH was 0.1 and I could never have children I decided to adopt a kitten. Then Right Guy said he wanted one too. So we got two kittens on top of the cat I already had. Referring to each other as Mommy & Daddy just sort of…happened. And I liked hearing the word Mommy. I suspect he liked hearing the word Daddy.

Now we all know that men are like 5 year olds (just kidding! not. sorta.) so it should come as no surprise that the man likes to torture the cat. No, no, not in a Call-The-ASPCA-Right-Now kind of way but in the 5 year old kid way – yank the tail, play dress up, etc. I fully suspect that when we finally get a kid in this house he will tease it and lie to it, hold it upside down and generally be silly with it. Again, not in a Call-DSC kind of way. In a *I once convinced my niece that elephant ears were actually elephants’ ears and not some tasty fried dough with powdered sugar on top that can only be procured at the Fair* kind of way.

cat and beer

Exhibit A

It started with cradling. Nothing surprising about that. Lots of people hold cats like tiny humans – a position they abhor, by the way. But most people are able to avoid the stare of daggers coming from the cat until or unless their eyes are scratched out. Or maybe they just prefer to make fun of said kitteh while she desperately looks around trying to identify her best escape route.

cat and cancer journal

She helps him read

Then it progressed to swaddling. At the time I didn’t really recognize it as a progression per se, just another form of torture for the kitteh, similar to dress up.

But last month Right Guy started trying to teach the cat to walk on her hind legs. Holding her little front kitty paws up in the air just like you would do with a ~9 month old tiny human. And it hit me. Dude wants a baby in this house just as much as I do. He just expresses himself differently.

I use words like ME – BABY – WANT – NOW.

And he plays with the cat.

We totally speak the same language.

If the language is called CUTE.

arm around cat

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