May 2, 2013
If you follow me on Twitter then you probably witnessed, or heard about, a slight freak out on my part about 2 weeks ago. And a few others voiced similar opinions as well. It seems National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) was triggering for many of us. And I think I now understand WHY.
Resolve is an organization committed to helping women/men find resources and doctors for infertility as well as educate the general public about this disease. They are very good at what they do. If you think you might have fertility issues or if you just want to learn more about this disease and how it affects the general population then I highly recommend following the link and checking out the site.
But, during NIAW, I felt abandoned by Resolve. Why? Because they spent the entire week trying to educate the general public, newly diagnosed or soon-to-be diagnosed infertiles and showcasing infertiles who have moved on to parenting (through whatever means). They partnered with parenting.com for Frog’s sake. Really? The organization that is supposed to advocate for me starts showing babies in my feed? Not cool, Resolve. Not cool.
I felt that they had somehow shifted their focus away from me. I felt abandoned.
Now that the nonsense of NIAW is over I see things a bit differently.
Resolve didn’t shift focus away from me.
I’ve actually been outside its focus for some time now. Resolve has never focused on the minority of women (& men) who remain childless after years of treatment. We are the ugly side of infertility. Nobody wants to see us because we haven’t “succeeded.” Some of us have simply chosen to stop treatments and live child free. Others have stopped treatments and are pursuing adoption but haven’t yet found their child. Some are on hold because their relationship dissolved and they are unsure how/when/whether to continue the pursuit of solo parenting a tiny human. And some of us are still pursuing treatments but our bodies just aren’t cooperating.
Who speaks for us? No one. But us. And we are a dwindling minority.
We don’t need Resolve’s resources to find a doctor – we’ve probably all already cycled through multiple Reproductive Endocrinologists. We don’t need to take an online “Test Your Fertility Knowledge” quiz – we could teach the freaking class at this point. We’ve read all the articles about our respective conditions – assuming we have a diagnosis. We’ve tried all the herbs, etc.
We are a group of Been There, Done That. And it just feels like there’s no place for us anymore. We are out of focus.
I hope this post doesn’t come across as angry or whiny. It’s really meant to be an epiphany. I am no longer angry at Resolve for abandoning me. I’ve just accepted that I am not their demographic. My entire infertility experience (I really hate calling it a journey) has been unique (everyone’s is unique, mine has just been more so by also being RARE). I don’t fit in any of the boxes. And I have to just accept that and find comfort and community wherever I can.
But odds are it will not be in anything affiliated with Resolve. I’m barely hanging on to Twitter at the moment.