December 2, 2012

Which way is the wind blowing today?

Thank you all SO much for last week’s opinions. I think it really helped me.

I still have some calls to make and information to gather but I *think* next steps are going to go something like this…

1. Get through December/Xmas. I don’t think I want to be celebrating with the In-Laws while on Lupron. And I need to make some calls to verify some assumptions. And I think I just need to sit with this decision a little longer and try to make friends with it – try to peel the scary mask off it.

2. Probably start Lupron in Jan. Not sure how long I’ll be on it. At least a month I think. That’s one of those things I need to clarify with NewRE2 and double check with OldRE. A FET is not NewRE2’s first choice for me but the lupron pre-treatment is his idea. As much as I hate lupron, it’s probably a good idea.

3. Feb/March do a FET, here (gulp), assuming one or both frosties make it to blast (double gulp), with ME (triple gulp). I still need to verify exactly how the frosties would travel across the country. And I have some other questions, like what happens if I have another tubal ectopic? Do I lose my uterus for that scenario as well? Or only if it’s another myometrial ectopic?

I got my head shrunk yesterday. I told her that I was trying to take emotion out of the equation for this decision and she questioned whether that was wise. I think, in this case, it is. I often go with my gut. In general, in the head vs. heart argument, my head wins. But, up to this point, on this subject, my HEART has ruled. So I’m gonna use my head now. Because, trust me, the emotions are going to come whether I want them to or not if I actually transfer embryos into my uterus. So I’m of the opinion that we should ignore them until then.

Doing a FET with my body is the cheapest and quickest option.

Logically it makes sense.

Medically… who knows if it makes sense? The doctors can’t give me odds on what might happen. They don’t fucking know. And while they don’t totally disagree, they certainly aren’t in agreement either.

Statistically… I’m off the charts. This is no longer a numbers game. It’s a gamble. But isn’t it always?

I’m gambling with my uterus. But as far as I’m concerned my uterus is just about useless already. And I may be headed for a hysterectomy regardless. At least I know I won’t have to carry zombabies for 6 months again. I think that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

[SPOILER ALERT for The Walking Dead]
And can I just say that I’m ecstatic that Lori’s baby was NOT a zombaby? The Walking Dead already gives me nightmares but that would have sent me over the edge. 😉

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