The Story Of Wrong Guy & The Ogress

August 19, 2012

For the story of my history with Wrong Guy, see the posts below:
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V

This post is about the aftermath.

Yes, they are married now. At least, I’m pretty sure they’re still married.

I don’t speak to either of them. I’m not even sure what state they live in now. I have them blocked on Facebook. They can’t see me and I can’t see them.

But we do still have a handful of mutual friends. And so, inevitably, one of them posts something that I can see that involves The Ogress.

I will admit to some prior masochistic Googling of the Ex but for the most part I don’t do that anymore. I have Right Guy now. He tries my patience to no end but he’s a better man. But when I see something posted by a mutual friend, I just can’t NOT click.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to where I left off.

I moved. The divorce went through about a month later. About a year after that Pops got his first cancer and I ended up moving back home to help him.

During all that time I kept waiting to hear that they had married. Or that, even worse, she was pregnant. Her not wanting children so much practically guaranteed she’d get pregnant in my mind.

Around the time Pops was getting back on his feet, NowExMIL called and told me that they had married. She hated telling me but thought it should come from her rather than me hearing it through some other means. It was really very sweet of her. She has a rule about calling me – she won’t do it. And we have an agreement not to speak about Wrong Guy. She’s happy to hear from me but she doesn’t want to cause me pain if I should change my mind about staying in touch. So it’s on me to maintain that relationship if I choose. At the moment it has fallen off to me sending her yearly birthday and Xmas cards/emails and occasional updates on major life events (like when Pops died).

But I digress.

I think it was during grad school that I entered the “Obsessively Google Your Ex” phase. Both Wrong Guy and The Ogress have pretty unique names and are super easy to Google. I found references to him but he seemed to be avoiding online profiles and social networks. But The Ogress… she was all over the place trying to make it as a writer. Publishing short stories in any online rag that would have her.

And ultimately self publishing a book. A novel, a work of fiction, based on her time while he was deployed. She wrote a book about what’s it’s like to be left behind while your boyfriend is deployed. You know, your boyfriend WHO WAS STILL MARRIED TO ME at the time.

Perhaps I harp on that too much. We were separated. But for me, the whole thing happened so quickly I never had time to process it. We went from trying to get pregnant to separated and him having a girlfriend in TWO MONTHS. And I never saw it coming. Even with the advantage of hindsight I still wouldn’t have seen it coming.

That book, even four years after the split, made me feel like she was trying to steal my life. It wasn’t enough to steal my husband. She had to take everything else as well.

The nightmares began again. This time it was The Ogress appearing on Oprah because her book was featured in Oprah’s club. People were gushing all over her at what she had been through and how important, but often forgotten, military spouses are. The political climate was certainly right for that sort of story.

And… nothing happened. A few people bought it and read it but it didn’t really go anywhere.

Someone did interview her though.

And that’s how I learned that Wrong Guy had had a vasectomy.

She told their story. They were high school sweethearts who were unable to truly be together until they were 30 because life kept pulling them in different geographic directions. She romanticized the hell out of the destruction they left in their wake. There was no mention of her first TWO husbands or that Wrong Guy was her THIRD husband by age 30. No mention of Wrong Guy having left a wife for her or ever having been married before. It was all roses and hearts and high school sweethearts.

Yeah, right. She dated him for two weeks and then dumped him and made out with her teacher. How is THAT romantic?

Commentary aside, she also had to mention what an awesome man he is that was willing to get snipped so that there could not ever be the possibility of a child. Because with his sperm count that would even be possible. And now my snark is REALLY showing.

So, yes they are now married (I think) and no, they do not have kids.

But the other day a mutual friend posted a link to a short story she had written. And I didn’t have enough self control to not click. It was a story of rape. It was written as a political statement against all the recent pro-life legislation that would outlaw abortion in the case of rape. But it was a horrible story. Because it depicts a random home invasion rape (probably the rarest kind) of a woman who doesn’t want kids and actually stops to think – while being raped – about how she should have been fixed instead of her hubs because now she’ll be pregnant by her rapist. She also writes about how in the days/weeks afterwards she imagines having fought off her attacker like her hubs had taught her. I’m pretty sure no rape victim ever does that. But perhaps I’m wrong. In any case, she freely admits that it didn’t happen. And it doesn’t ring true in the slightest. And, in my trying-like-hell-to-be-unbiased opinion, it does a disservice to rape victims.

And she calls herself a feminist.

Again, I have digressed. Clicking on that link was just the beginning of my trip down the rabbit hole. Once I clicked on the first link, I couldn’t stop. I clicked and clicked until I landed on her website and saw the big announcement.

You see, that book she wrote and self published… it’s now being published. By an actual publisher. A small one, but a real one. And it has now been reviewed by The Huffington Post. And there’s some quote on the cover by a New York Times Best Selling author.

The Bitch is Back. Coming soon to a store near you. And someone might actually take her seriously this time.

And that, is what prompted me to tell the whole story.

At least she can’t go on Oprah now.

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