The Story of Wrong Guy – Part II

August 18, 2012

Click here for Part I of this story.

I ended Part I with Wrong Guy en route to Afghanistan and me starting Lupron and nursing a budding friendship with The Ogress. Just 3-4 months off birth control was enough to bring back the horrible endometriosis pain. And Wrong Guy was headed to Afghanistan to set up camp in Kandahar as the Marines were leaving.

At that time there were no creature comforts there. There were no Port-A-Potties, only holes in the dirt/sand. No mess tent, just MREs. They slept in sleeping bags on the floor in the bombed out airport for weeks. So in addition to worrying about him being shot at or shot down or crashing (he was a pilot) I also just worried about him dealing with all that without a proper pillow. It’s woman thing I think. Somehow that made it all even worse for me – that he didn’t even have a cot to sleep on.

But this isn’t about what I went through while he was gone. This is about The Ogress. As I said, she and I had become email friends.

I sent letters to Wrong Guy every other day. Like clockwork. I wanted him to know that he was loved and missed. And really, who doesn’t like to get mail when they’re far away? Or even when they’re home for that matter. I had images in my head of a daily mail call where there was always some hopeful guy whose name was never called. I didn’t want that guy to be MY guy. I also sent care packages with tons of food, books, CDs, DVDs and silly stuff to help entertain. I sent way more than he needed for himself so he could share with those who weren’t receiving packages.

And I encouraged everyone else, including The Ogress, to also write him as much as possible.

I still do not know what was said in those letters. Apparently she separated from Hubby #2 during that time and told him but not me. But I only found that out later.

I only know what was in the letters to me. Some of which I shared with his mother who was so proud to have raised a son who would write such poetry to me about… my eyes for example. There was nothing in the letters to me to indicate anything but love and devotion.

But I’m pretty sure there must have been something going on between them in those other letters.

But I was blissfully ignorant of that. All the while, getting to know her better and becoming friends. Learning that she didn’t want kids and was very vocal about it. Saying that she had to be vocal in order to change things. That too many women have kids just because society expects them to and they need to know they don’t have to. I agree with that but am still puzzled by her vehemence. I mean, it’s the new millennium, surely now people aren’t guilted/shamed/pressured to have kids they don’t want? Not in the U.S. anyway. I know I want kids, but not because society thinks I should want kids. I want them because I, me, myself, I want them.

After 7 months in Afghanistan, and 7 months on Lupron, he came home. We tried to get back to where we had been before. It was a little different, a little difficult, but that was to be expected after 7 months apart. After an initial 2nd honeymoon phase, we decided to get back to that baby making thing – this time with a purpose. I began tracking my morning temps.

But Lupron is the devil. It ultimately took five months after it was supposedly out of my system for me to get a period. But we were trying like hell anyway, thinking that it could happen at any time. And it was beginning to look like he’d be heading to Iraq so time was really not on our side. And so we had tests. My first HSG. It made me cry it hurt so bad but my tubes were fine. He bitched and moaned about his test (really? after mine was so painful you’re gonna pitch a fit about filling the cup?) but he did it. Turns out he had a low count. A REALLY low count. He was shooting about 10% of what he should have. But I’m actually jumping ahead a little.

At this point we had both been out of high school for 10 years. My 10 year reunion was coming up. It’s a time when it’s natural to start wondering, “Whatever happened to SoAndSo?” and “I should really get back in touch with…” And after having also been deployed I really didn’t question it at all when Wrong Guy announced that he wanted to go visit some old high school buddies. There were two people at the top of his list. The Ogress was one of them.

By this time, I think I had found out a few more pieces of their history that had been missing before.

#1. They had DATED in high school. His mother told me that. She never liked The Ogress. But I guess she’s stuck with her now. Apparently they had dated for all of about TWO WEEKS. And then The Ogress dumped him because he was grounded for New Years Eve and couldn’t go out. Supposedly she went out with, and made out with, her TEACHER instead. Ew. She told me that one herself.

#2. She was separated from Hubs #2. Remember how she had told him that but not me? I found out from him when he came home.

So that now gave her an OFFICIAL status as Ex-Girlfriend. AND she’s now pseudo-single. So, even though I still wasn’t threatened by her, that meant to me that he shouldn’t go visit her without me. So we went together. I wanted to meet my new friend anyway.

Breathe in, breathe out. This is where it gets dicey.

We spent three nights on an air mattress in her living room. The first night went something like this:

We arrive late afternoon/early evening and go to her apartment. Drop off stuff and walk down the street to a bar for drinks and dinner. After two beers I can’t keep my eyes open. I feel like I’m about to literally fall asleep with my head on the table. I am not drunk. It’s only a one hour time zone difference but I chalk it up to fatigue from travel. So we walk back to her place, I go to bed and they say they are going to go for a walk so as not to disturb me.

Some time later, several hours I think, I wake up. I can see from where I lie that it is snowing outside. I listen for them. They are not back yet. Then I hear the front door. I hear the coat closet door and rustle of a coat being hung up. I don’t realize it at first but later I note that I didn’t hear the sound of the coat being taken off before being hung up. Maybe he took it off in the stairwell. The apartment building is really very hot, so hot that she keeps her windows cracked even though it’s freezing outside.

Then Wrong Guy comes in and stares out the window watching the snow. He doesn’t know I’m awake. I’m enjoying watching him watch the snow.

A few minutes later I hear the front door again. And the coat closet. And, again, the lack of sound indicating the taking off of the coat. He speaks to her in a whisper, telling her it’s snowing. Where we’re from we don’t get much snow so it’s kind of exciting. It’s clear both from his announcement and her reaction that neither of them knew it had been snowing. For at least an hour. Clearly, they had not been out walking. What HAD they been doing?

It gnaws at me but I tell myself I’m being silly. The next night I am raring to go having slept quite a lot. But they are tired and go to bed early leaving me sitting up wondering what the hell happened the night before. I can’t shake the feeling that something is up. Why did they not go for a walk like they said? Where had they been? What were they doing? I think I asked, earlier in the day, trying not to sound nosy/jealous, and they said they just sat in the stairwell chatting. But WHY DID THEY RETURN SEPARATELY?

The third night she has people over for a small party. Again, after just a beer or two I begin to feel really sleepy. Can’t keep my eyes open sleepy. This is really weird. I never get like this. I must be getting sick or something. But it’s not as bad as the first night. I’m able to stay up. There are people in my “bedroom” anyway so really there’s no choice. I sit on the sofa and nod in and out of sleep. I’m sure her friends think I’m an incredibly boring person.

And what about Hubs #2? Any chance of that working out? No, since separating, she’s having (or had) an affair with one of her professors and just hasn’t gotten around to file the divorce paperwork. But marriage #2 is over. From her perspective anyway. Apparently he wanted kids and just thought she’d change her mind.

We come home. He has to fill the cup for his test. Things are very weird. He won’t touch me. Normally a horndog, he doesn’t want sex. In my heart I know what’s going on. But I don’t confront him. I can’t face it. It can’t be real. This can’t be the same guy who sends me flowers for no reason and writes poetry about my eyes.

Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re going to be with family. And we’re going to my High School Reunion. I don’t want to rock the boat before all that. So I don’t. At the reunion he plays the dutiful husband. Not a role I’m used to. He’s being TOO agreeable. Also an indication that something is up. Being bored and not knowing anyone he wanders away for awhile. Apparently talking to the Ogress on my cell phone.

When we return home after Thanksgiving, I confront him. He admits that he’s in love with her. He denies cheating. He denies that anything physical has happened. For some reason, I believe him. I guess I just wanted to.

More later. Nope, we’re not done.


One Response to “The Story of Wrong Guy – Part II”

  1. Kelly Says:

    Wow. 😦

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