The Story of Wrong Guy – Part I

August 18, 2012

OK. I guess I’m going to write this. Recent events are bringing all this back into the light. I generally keep it all hidden in the dark. Or, mostly, I just don’t think of it at all anymore. After all, it happened almost 10 years ago.

I suppose I should add a character to my blog. You all know Right Guy. And Pops. And crazy Momz. OldRE and NewRE. And I’ve mentioned Wrong Guy in passing. But I’ve never written about Homewrecking Bitch. But I’ll be nice and call her… The Ogress. Although sometimes I also enjoy calling her the Toothless Wonder. Cuz it’s funny. See, she has no front teeth, just a bridge. But I digress.

So… from the beginning… more or less.

I married a woman.

He’s a man but he acts like a fucking woman. No disrespect, I am one too. In an argument, if he walked away, apparently that meant I was supposed to follow him and console him. When I walk away during an argument it’s because I’m too angry and know if I don’t walk away I’ll say something I’ll regret later. He once pulled me out of the shower to take care of a spider in the living room for him. He couldn’t/wouldn’t go in there until it was gone. The spider turned out to be dead. But I put it in the garbage disposal just to reassure him.

I’m a pretty practical, grounded person. He always had his head in the clouds. A very romantic type. I thought we balanced each other nicely. He sent me flowers for no reason. On a regular basis. [Side Note: Right Guy has NEVER given me flowers] The only time he ever gave me flowers for a reason was when he came home to tell me he was being deployed to Afghanistan. That was November-ish 2001. He was part of the first Army deployment to Afghanistan after September 11th.

But I said I’d start from the beginning.

I met him just after college through a mutual friend. Me dating him actually cost me that friendship. She wanted to set him up with someone else. She thought I’d break his heart. I believe her words were: “rip out his heart and stomp on it.” Admittedly, when I met him I had just gotten out of a long relationship and was looking more for fun than lasting so I understood her point of view. Sort of. He was a big boy and I was honest with him about where I stood and what I wanted.

I think it was about 8 months after meeting him that I moved in with him. I was laid off my job in another city, so the living together was sort of supposed to be temporary, or a trial run, but it worked and turned into a permanent thing.

At some point during those first 8 months, The Ogress made her first appearance. I hadn’t met her but I’d heard about her. She was an old high school friend of his. He had once helped her move out, and then back in 10 hours later, with her first husband. He had actually rented a U-Haul, loaded her stuff and driven four hours south when she changed her mind and they turned back. Flaky, much? Anyway, apparently she had finally ditched that first husband and made a play for Wrong Guy one weekend when I wasn’t around (none of us were living in the same city at that time). He told me all about it. Or so I thought. He had chosen me. I thought that was the end of it. They remained good friends from a distance. She never lived anywhere near us. I was not threatened by her in the least. In retrospect that was, um… monumentally stupid of me. But then, it turned out I didn’t have all the facts about their history.

Fast forward to our wedding. He wanted her to be his best man. I was fine with her being in the wedding party but I really wasn’t a fan of putting her in a tux as his best man. So I offered to make her a bridesmaid. She was broke. We offered to pay for her dress and her plane ticket. It meant a lot to him for her to be there. Again, I was OK with all of this, secure in our relationship. Ultimately she declined and did not attend our wedding.

After 4+ years with him I still had not met her in person.

She got married again and moved several states away. We also moved several states away. In the opposite direction. There were no visits.

Fast forward. It’s September 11, 2001. We had only just moved to his new Army post so I didn’t have a job yet. He was at work. I was about to leave the house to run errands. I hadn’t turned on the TV or radio. I had no idea what had just happened. The phone rings. It’s The Ogress. I think it’s the first time we’ve ever really spoken. She asks if Wrong Guy is going to be deployed. I have no idea what she’s talking about. She tells me to turn on the TV. I ask what channel and she replies, “ANY channel.” To this day I am actually grateful that she called. I was able to turn on the TV and watch, real time, the second plane hit. And the towers fall. From then on I felt a bond with her.

We became friends via email. By this point she had started a Master’s degree in English and really wanted to pursue writing as a career. She sent me short stories to read. Her writing is… weird. Even at that time I thought so. I remember reading a short story about a sniper, written from the perspective of the killer. I believe the DC sniper duo was still on the loose at the time. Or had just been caught. It seemed obvious to me that she liked to shock people. And I couldn’t glean any other reason for it than for the sake of shocking people. It’s one thing to use shock and awe to make a point. But I just couldn’t see her point – only the shock and awe.

Back to Wrong Guy. I had told him shortly after we married that I was ready for kids anytime and he should let me know when he was. I had endometriosis and I knew it might be tricky so sooner was better. Shortly after September 11th he announced he was ready. He had been out playing Army in the woods for training and got to talking with some guys with kids and… long story short, he was ready. But he didn’t want to take the fun out of trying by actually, you know, TRYING. I understood his point. But I also knew that we couldn’t afford to waste much time with the endometriosis looming. I agreed to try it his way for a few months and then reevaluate.

By late January 2002 he was en route to Afghanistan and I was starting Lupron.

More to come.

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