It’s Over

August 4, 2012

The Fat Lady is singing.

My remaining tube appears to have some sort of tree branch growing off of it. Or maybe it exploded from a third ectopic that miscarried (a.k.a. “resolved itself”). Regardless, it would seem that although the tube is OPEN it is…um… not useful. Given my history of ectopics. I mean, it could be useful but it could also be a nice cozy spot for ectopic implantation. Whatever it is, and of course they have NO IDEA, it definitely looks like yet another inviting place for an embryo. Which is NOT GOOD.

Also not good? In my opinion anyway… my RE doesn’t seem unnerved enough by this. THIS IS NEW. WTF is it?

What my RE IS more concerned with is the hole in my uterus. Presumably it is the “tunnel” that caused the first ectopic. So it’s not new to me (although it is very dangerous). It was “healed” a year ago but now it’s back. But NewRE hasn’t seen this before. NewRE is struggling to understand what happened before I met her. I think images would help. She’s only read the words, she can’t visualize. I’ve seen the pics. I’ve lived through it. I feel like OldRE would get this. I doubt she’d have a different opinion, but she’d GET it.

I’m not sure any of that matters though. The bottom line is that it’s not safe for me to even try to carry a pregnancy. Even when I passed my tests I still ended up with two ectopic pregnancies. So what kind of odds would there be when I fail my tests and we know for a fact that there is ectopic causing weirdness in LadyTown? It’s just stupid to try.

Many have asked what can be done. Can’t they do anything to fix all this? The answer is…not really. I didn’t even ask this question. They weren’t offering any ideas/solutions. But here’s my best guess.

The remaining tube is open, like, EXTRA open. I don’t know what caused it but I doubt it’s going to heal itself. So I would be in favor of removing it before I ever considered trying pregnancy – through any means – again.

The tunnel in the uterus? Near as I can tell, the inside of my uterus is a constantly changing place. Presumably this tunnel was there and caused the first ectopic. But it was closed up just before the second ectopic. Now it’s open again. It’s within the realm of possibility that it could close again.

So… in order to try again, I would need surgery to remove the remaining tube. I’m not sure if insurance would cover that since it’s of no immediate threat. And I would have to have painful (and likely expensive) tests performed on a somewhat regular basis to monitor my uterus (ultrasound doesn’t pick it up). All with the hope of my uterus maybe healing itself. Temporarily.

That’s the only way I could see this working. It’s doubtful any doctor would go along with that plan. And I’m not sure I would go along with it either. More surgery. More tests. More. More. More.

My lady bits are simply FUBARed. Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. FUBAR. When you reach a state of FUBAR I think it’s time to stop.


2 Responses to “It’s Over”

  1. Angie Says:

    I’m sorry you’ve reached this point. I’m here for you. I can’t imagine the frustration you have with that last tube ending up this way. I wish our bodies worked the way we want them to, the way they’re supposed to. I hope you know you are cared for and I’ll support you whatever your next step is.

  2. Ugh. 😦 I’m so sorry. 😦 I think you’ve made a good choice. There just comes a point where you’ll cause yourself MORE pain and MORE emotional distress for what seems to be a slim chance. 😦 Still doesn’t make this time any better. I wish I had better words of comfort for you than just that I’m sorry. It sucks. 😦 *hugs*

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