Three Hands, Nine Fingers

June 24, 2012

I always have a plan. Even if my plan is that I’m currently in the process of formulating a plan.  And when I plan, I plan for contingencies. Always.  And I usually don’t have just one backup plan, I have several.  In my head, I’m always five miles ahead of my body – anticipating what’s coming next.  It’s really busy and confusing inside my brain. I don’t recommend vacationing there.

Anyway… the point is this:  After two ectopic pregnancies, you can be really damn sure I’ve thought EVERYTHING through if I try again.

HAND ONE:  I don’t get pregnant.

  • Finger 1: I keep trying until I do (see HAND TWO).
  • Finger 2: We stop after the frosties (See HAND THREE).

I’m not sure I like Hand One.

HAND TWO: I get pregnant.

  • Finger 1: I have a healthy baby.
  • Finger 2: I have another tubal ectopic. They will likely remove the tube. More surgery.
  • Finger 3: I have another myometrial ectopic.  They will likely remove the uterus. More surgery.
  • Finger 4: I have some other type of ectopic. More surgery?
  • Finger 5: I miscarry.
  • Finger 6: Amnio/NT shows something wrong with the baby. Hardest decision ever.
  • Finger 7: Some other unforseeable badness occurs.

I don’t really like Hand Two much either.  Unless I chop off six fingers.

HAND THREE (yes I’m a freak of nature): We adopt.

While I like Hand Three… it’s not my natural hand.  It takes a little longer to accept.  It’s not so much that it takes longer to accept Hand Three so much as it takes a long time to accept that Hands One and Two are not working for me.



One Response to “Three Hands, Nine Fingers”

  1. Daryl Says:

    I so relate to this. The planning part, not because I have three hands.

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