December 29, 2011

It never fails. My mother will always make everything about her. Although, I have to admit, this trip (so far anyway) is not as bad as usual.

Situation: Older niece upset about not being able to play games

She’s the oldest so she’s frequently told they have to play “family” games – games that everyone can play. Her younger siblings don’t quite grasp Monopoly. Or even Monopoly Junior. And especially not Chess (which she loves). Along with LOTS of other games. So I said to her, “Sometimes it’s hard being the oldest.” Me personally – I have NO CLUE about being the oldest. I’m the youngest. But I can still imagine what it’s like to want to play one game and be outvoted. But Momz, from across the room – not a part of this conversation – pipes up with, “I wouldn’t know. I’m a middle child.” By definition a middle child is older than someone else. Just sayin’.

This is a frequent issue. At the ripe old age of 71, my mother still has issues with being a middle child. She has attempted to bond with my cousin (who is a 3rd of 4 children but doesn’t identify as a middle) about this. Seriously? Get. Over. It. Already.

Situation: Common Sense

When ordering Thai food, it is NOT acceptable to ask, "What is wide rice?" when the menu shows "wide rice noodles."
When watching a movie set in the 1500's, why would you think that the king's sheets should be 'monitored' just like the queen's? Does he menstruate?

[I have countless other examples from previous occasions but this is all I have from THIS TRIP]

I’m still waiting for the height argument. I claim 5’8″. She claims 5’8 1/2″. She insists that she is more than 1/2″ taller than me. Perhaps I am only 5’7 3/4″. Who the eff knows? Who the eff cares? I concede that she is taller than me. She cares. It’s all a competition. It’s not enough for her to be taller than me. She has to be an extra 1/2″ taller. This issue has, so far, not reared its ugly head this trip. But it usually makes an appearance so… I’ll just be waiting for it. Why my exact height is an ongoing issue I will never understand. But generally she comments on it every time I see her. And I have (non-familial) witnesses that will attest to this fact.

Situation: It’s all about her

The saddest part of this trip has got to be my aunt – her sister. My aunt has been in and out of the hospital all month. 3-4 times in December. I’m worried about her. REALLY worried about her. I’m worried about me. Can I take yet another loss? And I recognize that Momz has legitimate reason to be upset. Her sister has been in and out of the hospital all month and her brother was also in for surgery. If it were me, I’d be upset. BUT. BUT. Momz has a tendency to exaggerate, to be a hypochondriac, and to make everything about her. She *loves* a tragedy. But even when it IS kind of about her, I get cynical because she so often makes it about her anyway.

We should feel sorry for HER because her sister is sick. Her brother is not so well either. Well, yeah, that’s rough. But, ultimately, it’s not about Momz, it’s about my aunt. And my uncle (ongoing issues from a motorcycle accident 3 years ago). And it is NOT acceptable to ask about whether her sister made the time share payment this month. The world cannot possibly end if the payment is made a little bit late due to hospitalization. But she asked me if it would be OK for her to ask my cousin (who wouldn’t know anyway) about it. You’re worried about money and your time share right now? Really?

I’ve (amazingly) avoided her miscarriage stories. Her divorce stories. I’ve previously heard how her divorce was worse than mine (um… I don’t think so but it’s debatable – I’ll admit that). I think she must know better that my ectopics were worse than her miscarriages (in the sense that there were hospitals and surgery involved). And when I say these things… please don’t think that I’m in competition with her. I don’t care who had a worse time – I only care that SHE tries to make comparisons and make her situations worse than mine.

Why are women in competition with each other outside of sports? Why? And why do mother’s want to compete with their daughters?

Apparently my mother only knows how to relate to other women competitively. It’s not a competition. Or, t least, it *shouldn’t* be a competition.

What the fuck is up with that?

Really. Can you enlighten me? Why does my mother want me to… do worse than her?


One Response to “Momz”

  1. Jennifer Says:

    My mother is crazy. As sad as it can be sometimes, I just cut her out of my life. This year she sent me a Christmas card, but that’s about the extent of our interaction. Even though it hurts, in the end that hurt is better is better than the hurt of actually dealing with her.

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