On the Topic of Suicide

December 3, 2011

No, not mine. Don’t worry. That’s not an option for me. Unless maybe I had a painful and terminal disease. Which I don’t.

Right Guy found out yesterday that one of his former co-workers, someone I only met once but he worked with every day for two years, ended his life. It’s horrible. I can’t imagine feeling THAT hopeless.

I’ve had a rough year this year. And I’ve had rough times in the past. I’ve even had several successive YEARS of rough times. And I’ve experienced feeling so shitty that I asked myself, “What’s the point? Why go on?” But I have never seriously contemplated suicide. I simply can’t understand it. I understand not wanting to go on. I understand losing the hope that things will work out how you want them to. But things do CHANGE. Even if you’ve lost the strength to change them yourself, life brings change – even if not the exact change you were hoping for. And I guess I’m just too curious to ever end it. I want to know what comes next. What’s around that next corner?

What comes next could always be worse. That’s always a possibility. But it could also be better. And at the very least it will be DIFFERENT. And I get the sense that people who end their lives do so because they are no longer able to recognize that things can and will be different. Eventually.

Things change. Life goes on. No matter how much I allow myself to wallow in self pity (which I’m currently doing and getting sick of myself for it) I never forget that. And I feel so sad for the people who do forget it. So sad.


One Response to “On the Topic of Suicide”

  1. Tracy aka kittygirltx Says:

    I have never understood it either. There is the saying that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Like you, I always want to see what is next. No matter how down I get, I know that things will change. I always hope for the better. I’m so sorry DH’s co-worker just didn’t see any other way. My thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family.

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