The Universe Hates Me

October 19, 2011

I took a calculated risk. I knew I was still fragile from the last ectopic. Not to mention my father’s recent death. But I thought that maybe because of those losses I couldn’t POSSIBLY suffer another. I guess it’s true what they say: It comes in threes.

When did I become so superstitious and fatalistic?

Oh yeah. When all the odds and statistics turned against me. If I can’t rely on math, science and reason I guess I have to believe in fate, gut instincts and superstitions.

Stick a fork in me. I’m done.

I guess there’s some WTF appointments and conversations that need to happen first but it seems pretty clear to me that my uterus is crap. It is not a nice cozy, comfy, welcoming environment for an embryo. At this point I doubt it will ever be.

No decisions about future TTCing will be made for a while though. Just gotta get through this, try to enjoy the holidays and then regroup in the new year.

Karma’s a bitch.

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10 Responses to “The Universe Hates Me”

  1. broedkipje Says:

    I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.

  2. eusema Says:

    I’m so sorry. I had an ectopic in march, a chemical in may and BFN’s in july and september, after IVF’s and accupuncture. We’ve been TTC for 2 years (PCOS and low sperm count). And I lost both my father and my brother in the last few years. I totally understand what you say about feeling that with all the previous suffering, one couldn’t possibly suffer more, but then… baam, there it is again. I also had the methotrexate shot with my ectopic (a very painful one) and it was one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever gone through. Allow yourself to grieve, but don’t stay down for a very long time. We infertile women are for sure the strongest, we need to keep the faith. XOXOXO

  3. Jay Says:

    I seriously wish the universe had a complaint department because I would be first online right now bitching on your behalf. Does the phrase, “Enough is enough!” mean ANYTHING to anyone? Words almost fail me. I am beyond sorry… I’m livid, frustrated and downright stunned at the injustice. If I feel that way, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. PLEASE know I’m thinking of you.

  4. lady pumpkin Says:

    Sending love and tremendous anger at the unfairness of all this bullshit. Take care of yourself.


  5. I simply can not believe the crap you have been dealt this last year. I’m so very sorry. I wish I lived closer – I would bring you chocolate.


  6. hang in there……….
    know you are loved

    bt htis is all a bunch of crap


  7. I’m sorry you have to go through this. If it helps any, I suspect I would find your uterus very inviting…too much? I truly am sorry for what you’re going through and will be sending you lots of good thoughts (for what it’s worth). Take it easy today.

  8. Brittany Says:

    As a miscarriage survivor, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this again. The universe is a bitch right now & with everything else that you were/are dealing with, it’s not fair that it had to throw this on you as well. Big hugs to you, dear. I’m sorry.

  9. missohkay Says:

    ❤ I'm so sorry. I'm sure your ute is plenty inviting. Its just that its walls and your tubes are also inviting, apparently. Really, this is such crap. I'll be having words with the universe for you. Sending strength.


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