Is it July already?

July 12, 2011

This time I’m not going to apologize for going AWOL. I’ve been swamped. Which has been good. Being super busy means I don’t have time to break down – at least not very often. I’ve just got to get through the next two months and then I can start to process all this.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:
went to the courthouse to file the will and figure out what comes next
making phone calls (Soc Sec, VA, retirement, life ins, health ins, bank accounts, etc)
filling out forms, endless piles of forms from all the entities listed above
faxing documents and forms
my house was packed and shipped (Momz and my bro helped me)
now I’m packing up Pops’ house

I now have three separate addresses and the bills that go with each. Trying to stay on top of what is due when is about as stress free as sticking a fork in my eye. It’s not so much the money – I haven’t been doing any fertility treatments lately and I’ve been saving for the move and I still have access to Pops’ money. So I’m OK there. For now anyway. But trying to make sure everything gets paid on time, canceled at Pops, started in Seattle, canceled at my place…. OY cubed.

And I have another MRI coming up. Which means I’m wondering about whether I’ll be able to, and *should*, try for a FET before I move while it’s subsidized by my current company. If my body is healed up, then I could do a FET for $600. Pretty sure I’m not gonna get that deal anywhere else.

In short, I’m trying to stay busy. But my brain is ALL OVER THE PLACE. I have a short fuse these days. And I’m pretty much useless at work. Although I have been coming in and sitting at my desk for a week now.

Mostly I miss Pops – the Pops I knew 10 years ago. And I can’t seem to wipe the memory of his last few hours. And the moment he died. And how quickly he became ice cold. I need to make those images go hide in the back of my mind. And bring happier ones forward.


2 Responses to “Is it July already?”

  1. Dipitie Says:

    I can’t even imagine (((HUGS))) You’re doing an amazing job of keeping it together, please realize this. I’m thinking of you, hope better days are ahead xoxo

  2. barrenlazza Says:

    Hi there, I know this is a very late response but I just wanted to say that it must be so hard not having your Dad around – you must miss him so much. (it’s an obvious thing to say but just wanted to acknowledge that and to say I hope you’re coping OK..)

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