Long Overdue Update

February 2, 2011

My last beta was 3. THREE!!!! Anything less than 5 is considered negative. NEGATIVE. NOT PREGNANT. I’ve just had a 5-6 month long ectopic pregnancy and 7 doses of methotrexate. Shoot me now. But at least it should finally be over. I go for another beta in 2 days.

Given how hormonal I feel these past few days I think I must be returning to “normal.” I wake up sweaty every night. I feel like I could eat a house. And I really really wanted to pick a fight with Right Guy at 5 am this morning. Can I have my estrogen patch back now? Please???!!

And here’s the skinny for those of you who have forgotten or haven’t kept up with me since I fell off the face of the planet:

-Last methotrexate shot was mid January so I’m benched for TTC naturally for three months from then (the MTX could make any new eggs screwy). Since I can’t TTC naturally, the universe has decided that I should ovulate. Which is something my body wasn’t doing on its own back when I was TTCing naturally. Go figure.

-I’m also benched from FET. Using embryos from before the MTX wouldn’t be a problem (I don’t think) except that I’m told my uterus is weak where the ectopic pregnancies were. Too weak to sustain a pregnancy right now. Apparently it could break or something instead of expanding properly. So I have to wait 3 months from beta<5 to get an MRI to see if it heals itself. They have NO IDEA whether it will heal itself or not. But if it doesn't then I'd need surgery to strengthen my uterus before I could do a FET.

-Even if we assume the best… it would be summer before I could do a FET. And the risk of ectopic would still be there. This could happen again.

So I'm benched. And in limbo until May at least. I have no idea if can muster the courage to try all this again or have surgery when the risk of it happening again is still there. It's a lot to think about. So I guess it's good to have the time.


9 Responses to “Long Overdue Update”

  1. Courtney Says:

    So many angles to examine this from. I hope everything works out great for you and in the summer you get to try again. You deserve this and so much more!


  2. Jen Says:

    Big, long, deep breaths. That is a lot to take in. And a lot of contingencies. I hope you can take time over this “break” to heal and process and also have some fucking fun! You can drink now, right? =)

    We’ll be here, listening and cheering you on, no matter what you decide to do next.

    • Stolen Eggs Says:

      Oh yeah, I can drink. And I’m supposed to move across the country in June. The move, and subsequent job/insurance change, will further complicate the FET decision/timing. However, we have quite a wine collection so we’re trying to drink it down a little so we don’t have to pay to ship it all. 🙂

  3. Jay Says:

    As trivial as this may sound, I’m glad you’ve at least got your appetite back. I was worried about you on that front. Also, as much as it beyond sucks and is super frustrating that your benched for awhile, it does afford you some time to regroup, process and if nothing else, eat tons of sushi & drink some wine. I know those aren’t major positives… but there are few positives in general when dealing with this (other than meeting lovely people such as yourselves) so we have to take silver linings where we can get them. Sending you my best — Jay

  4. missohkay Says:

    From the outside looking in, you’ve been handling all this amazingly well. I hope your body heals so that it can do whatever your mind wants it to. I’m sure the decision will be tough, but we’re all here for you!

  5. Katie Says:

    We can be cranky together today. 🙂

    In all seriousness, you have handled all of this with such amazing grace and strength. I admire you, because I’m not quite sure I would have done the same. Thinking of you, and sending you lots of hugs today.

  6. Sonja Says:

    *hugs* Thinking of you!

  7. Vicky Says:

    I know the waiting is ridiculous, and I’m extremely sorry you have been through all this. Thinking of you, and just know it will be an exciting summer for you!

    I hope to one day be able to have the strength you have shown through this- honestly, I have so much admiration for you

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