Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15, 2010

I Am the FaceToday is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. There is also a campaign for ‘coming out’ called I Am The Face.

I never knew this. But now that I have lost a pregnancy I have been propelled into this whole new world. Given that the loss is still technically in progress I’m not really sure how I feel about all this. My last beta HCG was at ~2200. So I have another week or two most likely until I get down to zero. My loss is not yet complete.

Consequently I’m not done with the grieving process. Truthfully I’m not even sure I’ve really started it.

So what do I do today? Do I mark this day as significant for me? It’s difficult to participate in a “remembrance” when I’m still in the middle of it. There’s no remembering involved – I’m still living it. But I can send hugs and good karma out there to all those other who are remembering their lost little ones today.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a religious person so I will not refer to my loss as “angel babies.” The ectopic was discovered at 6w6d although the HCG continued to climb until 7w5d. HCG will probably return to zero somewhere around what would have been 12 wks. So I can’t say exactly when the loss occurred. I don’t know if it was a boy or girl or even if it was one or both embryos that implanted (they suspect it might have been both and I kind of feel the same). So I can’t name him/her/them. It also just feels wrong to me to give them real names.

So what do I call them? Even though I can’t “remember” them right now (since they are kind of still with me) I will want to in the future (I assume). I also feel like the grieving process might move along better/faster if I have something to call them. Sticking with the “sea monkey” nick name somehow seems inappropriate, but so does giving it/them a real name. Something in the middle seems right. But what is between “sea monkey” and “George”? (George is a completely randomly picked name, BTW). I need a non-gender-specific and non-singular/non-plural word.

Or maybe I’m making it overly complicated as a subconscious way to avoid it. That kind of sounds like me.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Input is welcome.

Right now all I’ve got is “my little gems.” Gems are precious, beautiful and often expensive. Kind of fits. Or maybe I should pick a specific gem. Emerald is the birthstone for May (when they would have been due). Maybe I should get a piece of jewelry with the chosen gemstone(s) to commemorate he/she/them. ????


4 Responses to “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day”

  1. Jen Says:

    Oh sweetie, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m so sorry for your loss. I think a commemorative “gem” would be a wonderful way to remember them. As for how to refer to them, how about “the babies”? Simple, direct. I don’t know… whatever you decide will be right for you and you can always change your mind.

    Regardless, I hope today helps you feel less alone.

  2. Thinking of you… I like the idea of calling them/it gems. That’s what they were and will always be in your heart.

  3. Courtney Says:

    *hugs* I think calling your sweet babes gems is absolutely perfect.

  4. […] official word yet that it was twins at that point (at first they weren’t sure). You can read last year’s post and see that at this time I just had a vague notion of how to honor my babes – with gems. […]

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