Do the Right Thing

October 4, 2010

So… in general I think I’m a pretty good person. I try to be nice to people. Most of the time. But I’m no saint. I don’t do a lot of things I think I should – like volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. I’m just a generally nice person but not one of those people I might classify as “Do Gooders” – those people who are ALWAYS giving themselves to the greater good. I’m not THAT nice. I’m just regular nice. I’m a good friend but I don’t often help strangers. I’ve never paid for the ticket of the person in line behind me (although that happened to a friend of mine).

I’m not religious at all… I’m actually atheist. But I do believe in that biblical phrase “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” To me that’s just logical. If you want to be treated well (and we all do, don’t we?), then you should be nice to others. It’s kind of a no-brainer. I don’t do it out of fear of the consequences (Hell) or because I think I need to earn entrance in to Heaven. I don’t believe in all that. I believe that we get the one life and we should make the most of it. And I like the concept of karma – although I’m not entirely sure I really believe in it. I don’t really believe in any Higher Power or any particular doctrine.

But that’s not what this post is supposed to be about. Although I now fear the comments I will get for admitting to being an atheist. Cringe.

What I really want to write about is this: Why is it that when I am MOST in need of people being nice TO ME, most in need of others’ help, I feel the need to reach out and do good? Right now, for some reason, it seems that helping other people helps me. Maybe it’s just because it takes my mind off my troubles. Or maybe it’s because it puts my troubles in perspective – things could always be worse. Or maybe I’m just really really selfish and it simply makes me FEEL GOOD. I think it somehow replenishes my energy reserves. And those reserves are practically empty. So I feel a NEED to do GOOD. Bizarre, no?

I don’t really understand it. All I know is that I feel the need to be more supportive than usual to my tweeps and my IRL friends and family. Maybe that’s because I want to repay them for the support they are giving me but I think it’s more than that. I had planned on giving away some of my leftover meds and tests but now I feel an overwhelming NEED to do so. I want to make sure that the meds don’t go to waste – they are far too valuable – both monetarily (and I didn’t even pay for all of them, I inherited some) as well as what they represent. If things can’t/don’t work out for me then at least I can try to help make it happen for someone else.

[Please note that most of the meds I have to give away are already spoken for at this point]

I guess I just need to hold on to hope. Even if I’ve lost hope for myself I still need to believe that there is hope out there in the world. And Joy. The joy of finally becoming a mother to baby Jayden allowed @WaitingLisa to boost me up when I was most down. I can’t create the joy – it has to just happen. But I can contribute to the hope. I can offer my support, kind words and maybe some free meds to those in need. Maybe if I put some hope out there in the world I will eventually find my way back to hoping for myself.

And, although I hope to help some people, I reserve the right to switch gears at any moment and go back to whining and wallowing. 😉 There’s no way I could possibly be done with that phase. I think I’m just going to be a walking pendulum for awhile – swinging back and forth on the emotional spectrum.


One Response to “Do the Right Thing”

  1. Funny how atheist can be seen as a dirty word in the US, yet it’s the norm in Northern Europe. For me there’s not much difference between Santa Claus and Jesus.

    I found myself really reaching out to others after my failed IVF too – sending gifts of support and love. The thank-you letters I recieved afterwards were the best possible therapy for me.

    May that hope come back to you in abundance.

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