The Morning After
September 20, 2010
Good morning, everyone. Well, morning. There’s not much “good” about it today. Here’s the recap of what happened in the night.
Around midnight I went to the OR for an emergency D&C. Since my beta was still quite high but they couldn’t locate the source of the HCG (i.e. the fetus) they thought the risk of rupture was too great not to go in immediately. So the plan was to do the D&C and then check what came out for pregnancy tissue (they were thinking it might be molar). If there was tissue they would stop, let me rest and check my beta again in the morning. If it was way down I would go home.
If there wasn’t pregnancy tissue then they would have to do a laparoscopy and go on a hunting expedition to find it. And take it out if possible. It was due to this contingency that they put me all the way under general anesthesia.
Well… there was no pregnancy tissue in the D&C. So they did the laparoscopy. I now have two incisions in my belly (I’m still a little unclear what the second one was for). They looked all around and finally saw a lump (actually they think it was two lumps) on my uterus. Apparently those little embies burrowed a little too far when they implanted. They didn’t just burrow in to the lining – they kept going. This part is still pretty hazy since it was explained to me while I was coming out of sedation. But it seems that those embies burrowed in to the uterine wall. Clearly they can’t stay there and clearly they couldn’t cut them out – I kind of need that uterus. Or at least I still might need it someday. And, although the pregnancy is not in the fallopian tube, this is still classified as an ectopic pregnancy.
So… after two procedures they have at least figured out the problem (although they have no idea why and say they’ve never seen this happen before). But now I have to stay in the hospital most of the week so they can monitor me while they give me a series of methotrexate shots to solve this little problem. I think I’m supposed to get 3 – one every other day. As well as some other shot on the off days (I think it counters the methotrexate – maybe to offset side effects?). But they want me to hang around here – presumably in case there’s an issue. Again, I’m a little hazy on this part.
One thing I’m not hazy on, but am confused about, is the MRI. They ordered an MRI to see if they can find an anatomical reason for WHY these embies did what they did. They told me I would go for an MRI at about 4am. Still hasn’t happened (it’s now mid morning). Until we do this MRI I won’t know whether or not we should even bother trying a FET later (much much later). They need to understand why it happened to determine whether it’s likely to happen again. We’ve got those four frosties and I don’t know if we’ll even be able to use them assuming we can even get to a point where we are emotionally and physically ready to.
The staff here have all been super super nice. They keep asking me if I want to speak to a chaplain or a social worker and many of the nurses are practically forcing pain killers in to me. I’m not a religious person. At all. I don’t want a chaplain. In fact, at the moment my way of dealing with this is ignoring it and focusing on the joys and problems my friends, family and tweeps are going through,. I just can’t deal with it right now. It’s TOO OVERWHELMING. I’m guessing it will hit me strong and knock me over sometime around the end of the week when I go home (that’s part of it too, I’d rather be a basketcase at home thankyouverymuch). I’m not big on public breakdowns so I’ll be attempting to hold it together for the next few days. I do promise that I WILL deal with it at some point. But I have to do it in my own way in my own time. And I think it will not be pretty. It will be decidedly UGLY.
As for Right Guy…. yesterday was his birthday. And I got him a night in the ER and an uncomfortable chair to sleep in while he waited on me. I feel HORRIBLE for him. My stupid body can’t seem to cooperate so I play with nature and this is what happens. And it doesn’t just affect me – it’s affects him. On the upside he is actually taking today off. He’s not really allowed to take days off – he’ll likely have to make it up at some point. But he didn’t want to be working Student Health today anyway. He’s currently passed out in the aforementioned uncomfortable hospital room bed chair. I have experience sleeping on those from spending nights on them looking after my father. I know how much they suck. And he’s used to being the doctor. Not the patient. Not the patient’s family or advocate. It’s a new role for him.
He’s also not much of a talker so I Have NO IDEA how he’s doing with all this. Somehow we’ll get through it. But it’s not going to be quick or easy. The only upside is I tend to not eat when I’m depressed so maybe that 5 pounds will come off easily.
And now, back to fake reality because I’m starting to cry and I just can’t go there right now. Maybe I can find some RuPaul’s Drag Race to watch or something….