I’m not complaining, but… DAMN

September 14, 2010

This being a little bit pregnant thing is NERVE WRACKING. It’s all I’ve wanted for soooo long. But I’m so anxious about it. I have no reason to think there’s a problem. I haven’t had any spotting or anything. No super painful cramps. Just mild to moderate ones that seem to be getting better. I do kind of wish I had more symptoms. But the truth is – I DO have SOME symptoms. I have no history of miscarriage. So it would seem that everything is fine.


There’s the BUT. I just can’t help but worry that there might be a problem and I wouldn’t know about it because I’m on all these hormones. I am at a higher risk for miscarriage due to both my age and my condition. So I fear it could be just the hormones that give me all these symptoms. Certainly it’s the hormones that make my boobs hurt. And I can blame them for the queasies (not quite full on nausea and no vomiting). I’ve had worse nausea from PMS in the past. And the tiredness? Yep, hormones. What symptoms are there that are NOT due to hormone levels? Woozy? Not sure about that one. Peeing a lot? I got up to pee during the night for four nights straight. And then it stopped. Hasn’t happened for a week now. What’s up with that? Intense hunger? Again, HORMONES. I’m injecting myself full of progesterone that will make me tired, hungry, nauseous and give me tender boobs. What if I’m not pregnant anymore?

Yes, I’m aware that I’m slightly paranoid and over analyzing the situation. Intellectually I KNOW this. And intellectually I also know that if there’s a problem there’s nothing to be done about it. I’m already doing everything I can do. It will either work or it won’t. But it doesn’t stop the worrying.
paranoid cartoon
It’s been 11 days since my last beta test. It’s 6 more days until my first ultrasound. This wait is just a bit longer than the usual two week wait. And I really think it might be worse. At least when I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant I knew the first week was a wash. I usually made it through the first half easily. It was the second half that was hard a bitch. But you can test early so that 2nd week is shortened a bit. There’s no getting around this 17 day wait. Last week was not easy. And neither is this week.

And now I’ll stop complaining. I promise. 😉

T minus 6 days…


One Response to “I’m not complaining, but… DAMN”

  1. You’re doing great!!! Wishing you the best!

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