Um… BFP???

August 28, 2010

Confession: I’m an obsessive POASer (that’s a person who pees on a stick A LOT for those not in the know – please don’t judge). I bought these several months ago so I could POAS as much as I wanted without worrying about cost. I started at 6dp3dt (6 days past 3 day transfer). I started then because I had forgotten to test a few days earlier to make sure the trigger (HCG) shot was out of my system. I wanted to know for sure that it was gone so I could rely on a positive result later if I got one. And I knew that 6dt3dt was too early. And it was negative as expected.

But I had opened Pandora’s box. So when I realized that the next day (7dp3dt) was 10 dpo… I just had to test again. Supposedly that is the absolute earliest the most sensitive home test can turn up positive. A few days before I had an upward shift on my BBT chart. I also got a cold sore which I haven’t had in at least a year if not two. My chronic sinus infection got worse despite the prophylactic antibiotics I was on the week before for IVF. I just felt like implantation had occurred a few days before and there was a little one sucking up all my energy. So there was a chance of a positive. But keep in mind all this happened at the same time Pops went back in the hospital. So I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t stress-induced.

What I got was what appeared to be negative at first. But later looked like such a faint positive that I thought I was imagining it. I compared it to the stick from the day before and sure enough it seemed like there was something there – not even really a line, but a pink something. But it couldn’t really be called a positive. Right Guy even confirmed that I was not seeing things. So I figured the next day, 8dp3dt, it would either be darker or it would be gone and the first one was a faulty stick. No such luck. Again, there was the faintest of lines. Definitely not darker. If anything it was harder to see. But this time I used a back up FRER to confirm. Negative.

That was yesterday. When I got home last night that FRER had turned positive. That’s not technically considered a positive since it didn’t show up in the designated timeframe. But it definitely seems to indicate a BFP.

Which brings us to this morning. 9dt3dt or 12 dpo. I now have 3 different brands of tests with faint lines on them. The lines are still faint but definitely darker than yesterday. Dare I hope that this is it?

I’m in a state of disbelief. I don’t think I ever truly allowed myself to believe this day would come. And there’s still many hoops to jump through – several beta tests, ultrasound to look for a heartbeat, etc. I’ve learned all this from my Tweeps on Twitter. I know what to expect.

Right Guy has not wavered in his belief that I am pregnant. He’s been sure about it since transfer day when we found out we had good quality embryos. Which has completely robbed me of the opportunity to surprise him with the results. I’m kind of bummed about that.

Now we just have to wait and see if my betas are OK and if so, do they indicate twins or not. Right Guy very definitely does NOT want twins. Admittedly, twins would be a logistical nightmare. If I make it through this pregnancy, moving across the country with one infant will be hard enough. But I can’t help but think about TWINS with a smile. 🙂

I’m really apprehensive about putting this out there so early. What if I’m wrong? (Realistically, how could I be wrong at this point? I’ve never ever seen a faint line before, let alone on 3 different tests.) What if it’s chemical? What if I miscarry? What if it’s ectopic? Why can’t I just enjoy this freaking moment? It’s SO NOT how I imagined it.

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8 Responses to “Um… BFP???”

  1. missohkay Says:

    I’ll give you a tentative congrats then! I think you can dare to be excited even knowing the scary realities to follow 🙂


  2. Holy shit!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE those tests are POSITIVE and you are pregnant as I write this! :). I’ll keep checking on you :). xo


  3. Faint or not, a positive is a positive. I’m an sooo happy for you! Keep us posted on your beta results. I’m going to have to update the blog entry about you to indicate the good news (when you’re ready for me to share).

  4. nobabyruth Says:

    Wow!! I just clicked over from ICLW a day late but I wanted to wish you the best of luck that this is your time and that it IS a BFP!! I hope that all goes well in the coming days!! And I also hope that your father is okay.

  5. Waiting Lisa Says:

    I am so very, very excited for you!!! 🙂

  6. Suzy Says:

    Oh wow congratulations!! A line is a line is a line 🙂 It doesn’t matter that they are faint, you my dear, got a BFP 🙂 xxx

  7. Barren Lazza Says:

    That’s amazing news! Keep us posted…


  8. Hi, I found your blog through ICLW. I hope that the pink lines have been getting pinker for you. My fingers are crossed.


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