Hello Again Two Week Wait

July 22, 2010

My pal Two Week Wait has returned. Her last visit was cut rather short (mercifully I suppose) so I’m not sure how well I’ll handle this one. I will likely be a basket case and take another trip to CrazyTown.

I have so much hope for this cycle. For the first time I had multiple follies so the chances that one of them is good are increased. I’ve decided I have to hold on to hope to get me through this. But I’m also very aware that that hope may be setting me up for a big fall. Having hope makes this roller coaster a crazier ride. It’s the hope that makes the highs higher and the lows lower. In the past I had tried not to hope because I wanted off this crazy ride. I’m an even keeled person by nature and although I love a good roller coaster in real life, emotional roller coasters make me crazy. Not that anyone enjoys them, but I think I am particularly susceptible to them because it is so far out of the norm for me.

But nobody ever got pregnant thinking negative thoughts (or maybe they did, I don’t know). So I’ve decided to stay positive. Which unfortunately means I will obsess more. If I hold on to hope then I will over analyze every fake symptom. It’s only when I give up on hope that I’m able to ignore it. Catch 22.

My hope has been waning, however. My temps are just not as high as I think they should be. I’m almost positive I really did ovulate. But my temps still are not above 98. It makes me wonder if there’s not some other issue at play here. Last month my temps were low too. So I had my progesterone checked. It was 14. So I’m not worried about the progesterone being too low – 14 is a good number. But I’m still worried that something else is wrong. Good thing I have a therapy appt today. đŸ˜‰

Must. Stop. Obsessing.

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