And so it begins…

July 12, 2010

I’ve been waiting for this moment. I had hoped it wouldn’t come. But, alas, it has. My tweeps are always asking about what’s the strangest, wildest, most inappropriate thing people have said when giving unsolicited “advice” on how to get pregnant. I am fortunate in that the majority of my friends seem to know better. They understand that I have a condition that requires medical intervention to get me pregnant and mercifully refrain from repeating old wives tales and stories of friends of friends of their 2nd cousin who magically got pregnant after trying [point your head to the north while having intercourse] or [insert other silly advice here].

The one friend who told me to “just relax” – well, I haven’t spoken to him much lately. Not so much because he told me to relax as the fact that I can’t stand his wife. “You went to TWO concerts in ONE weekend??!! I guess that’s just what you do when you don’t have kids!” That wife. Granted, neither of them knew about my situation at the time of that comment. But Right Guy later said he couldn’t believe I didn’t just punch her on the spot. Even he was pissed and that was before we had officially started trying (it was the weekend after my first RE appt and a whole 24 hours since I had been standing naked in front of an air conditioner to get some relief from my hot flashes). Looking back, I wonder how my hormonally imbalanced self DIDN’T punch her for that comment. But I digress.

I got a new comment yesterday. A piece of old wives tale advice. First some background: One of my father’s neighbors helps me take care of him. He’s the father of a high school classmate of mine and he’s tended Pops’ lawn for many years. So when I needed some extra help, someone nearby to look in on him for me, we asked this man to help out. He does light cleaning, laundry, changes the sheets, fetches things from the store, etc. When my father is healthy this arrangement allows me to only come once or twice a week to look after his needs. He’s a huge help. This man is in his 60s – just a few years younger than my father – and largely self-educated. I’m not sure what his specific education level is but I would guess he maybe finished high school and stopped there. Although lacking in formal education he is not a stupid man. He has 5 children who all hold advanced degrees.

He was raised by his grandmother who could neither read nor write. He’s shared a lot of wisdom with me that was imparted to him by her. And it’s helped me through the stress of being a caretaker and the stress of the life-and-death cancer I’ve had to deal with. But today’s grandmotherly wisdom was all malarkey. Today he told me that I should “have relations” while I had my “monthly” and that was SURE to get me pregnant. He claimed that’s how he got 5 kids.

Um…. wait. Stop. Isn’t that pretty much THE EXACT OPPOSITE of what you should do? While not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, it is usually considered to be one of the times you’re almost sure NOT to get pregnant. Has anyone ever heard this? This comment was wrong on SO many levels.

First of all, it’s completely incorrect.
Secondly, it falls under the inappropriate column on the infertility etiquette chart.
Thirdly… without medications I don’t have “monthlies.” I probably have something more akin to a “bi-annual.”

I took it in stride, though. He meant well. He’s a kind-hearted person. I know he said it with the best of intentions. And I told him as much. I politely thanked him for the sentiment but told him that wouldn’t work for me. Which then caused him to launch in to a speech that essentially amounted to ‘mind over matter.’ He gives that speech a lot. And although positive thinking will not get me pregnant, negative thinking will decidedly not help either.

So I have to believe that this IS possible. And I suppose I needed to be reminded of that today. After last month’s failed Clomid cycle I’ve been… less than positive about my chances. And as much as I hate to set myself up for the inevitable fall, positive thinking is probably a good thing. I hope. Because I feel like I’ve turned a corner. In my last post I talked about how positive I felt about this cycle. That positivity had vanished today. But I was reminded of it. And somehow I think that’s the only way it can ever happen. I have to believe it’s possible. And some days that’s a really difficult thing to believe. How does @InfertileNaomi do it?
Tips-on-how-to-get-pregnant
Please feel free to share any bizarre old wives’ tales you know about how to get pregnant (whether someone has said it to you or not). Here’s one I just came across:

… a little bit gross but it has worked for many. They said that when you make love, doing it ‘doggy style’ will make the sperm reach the egg faster. The gross part is, you need to make love on the third day of your period despite the blood

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