The Two Week Wait

April 22, 2010

Now that I’m all caught up on the history I can finally write about what is happening NOW. I think I’ve mentioned already that I’m in the dreaded two week wait. I’ve only been through this once before (this go around, I did it several times when I was married to my ex). The horrible, and hilarious, thing about the last time was that it was all for naught. My last 2ww was a complete farce. I thought I ovulated. I peed on a stick and the stick said it was Go Time so we went (I even made Right Guy do it while he was sick). Turns out the stick was wrong. I didn’t ovulate at all. As devastating as it is to have AF arrive after you’ve been hoping for two weeks that she wouldn’t come, it might be more devastating to have a BFN pregnancy test AND NO AF. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I felt like such a moron. Still do, in fact, but I’m sharing anyway. 😉 That experience is what made me start BBT charting. I don’t want to be that stupid again.

This one hasn’t been too bad so far. I think there are two reasons for that:
1) I know it’s too early for symptoms (I knew that before too) and
2) That trigger shot can give side effects that mimic pregnancy symptoms so even if I have them they mean nothing. Especially not this early.
I think I’ll add a third: I just don’t think it worked. Just a feeling. Maybe that’s me trying to reign myself in so I’m not so upset if it doesn’t happen. Maybe it really is intuition. Or maybe it just doesn’t seem possible that it could happen on the first try. Or maybe it’s because I suspect the timing was off (I really can’t be sure but I think I might have ovulated too early). Who knows?

I’m trying to remain über conscious of the fact that it is too early to know anything. And that is keeping me from going crazy this week. But although this week the voice that says “Not a chance” is louder than the one that says “There’s always a chance” I’m sure that will change. Next week… that’s another story and another voice in my head – the Crazy voice. I think I’ll likely be a googling basket case next week. If not before.

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