In the Beginning

April 19, 2010

In the beginning there was endometriosis.  Back in the day there were still a few docs around that believed that the only cure was pregnancy and therefore told me to get right on that.  I was 20.  I thought about it.  Seriously.  I almost married the wrong guy just for that reason.  But in the end I decided to wait for a better guy and do it the right way.
So then a better (better suited to me) guy came along.  It took him a little while to be ready to have a child but he came around when I was 28.  Not horrible timing considering.  I went off my birth control.  My endo wasn’t that horrible and as long as I stayed on the BC it stayed in check more or less.  But he wasn’t overly thrilled at the idea of really trying to get pregnant.  He wanted to just see if it would happen.  I agree that recreational sex is WAY more fun than procreational sex so I saw his point.  And against my better judgement I went along with the plan.
Within 3-4 months I was in horrible pain and he was in Afghanistan.  In that regard the deployment to Afghanistan was well-timed.  While he was gone I went on Lupron to kill off the endo so we could start trying when he came home.  Which we did.  But then… well, let’s just say he turned out to be the wrong guy.  Out of the blue (at least it was a surprise to me) he decided that he preferred his high school sweetheart (you know, the one he was cheating with) to me.  And she didn’t want kids so he also did a 180 on that.
Heartbroken and childless I crawled in to a cave to lick my wounds and tell myself that with his low sperm count it wouldn’t have worked anyway.  And maybe I was better off over all.  But I didn’t really believe any of that for a long time.  Years, in fact.
Oddly enough, my father having cancer, TWICE, helped put things in perspective.  I went back to school and started to constructively rebuild my life.  Still no man in sight.  At least not the right one.  But I thought perhaps I’d just adopt once I got the rest of my life in order and built up some savings.  I have a lot of love to give and I’m totally open to adoption.  And I knew I wasn’t getting any younger.  I think I was about 33 at that point.  And there was still the endo lying in wait to put me back in pain if I went off birth control.   So, with no man in sight, adoption seemed like the best option.   But I still wanted and hoped for a chance to have my own child with someone I loved.  I wasn’t really big on the idea of a Frozen Pop.  I have no problem with others who choose that path but it’s just not for me.
Cue “the Right Guy.”
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: